28 thoughts on “I don’t like to be hit. What about you?”

1. Long have I waited for the day when another woman would speak out in this arena, on the dangers of corporal punishment,in school and family; on the individual and the society.If a child lives with brutality, he/she learns to brutalize, and specific mesures are needed to brak they cycle.

   After I read this piece, I looked out the window to see what if anything about the day, had changed. The sun continued on its course, the light did not shift, and the slight burn of my lunch could be forgiven, burnt offerins are my trademark when the reading is important. I was finally seeing someone, particularly a woman, stand up to say that children can be raised with love, instead of brutalization.If it was possible to survey schools, we would realize that boy children are beaten motre often and more severely than girls, and this happens too, I suspect in single parent homes where adventurous boys are likelier to do dring things than obedient-inclining girls.

   We beat young men for the socialization process that teaches them to stand up and be men.
   This has to be the definition of a crazy society.

   Amen sister, amen. God bless you in whatever other work you do.

2. I know of very few instances of this level of punishment for children. It was not the norm at any level of society.

   And men who tended to beat women often had the tendency to do the same to children in those times.

3. ok, i read, i understand, and in a lot of ways i agree with the position.
   now tell me, a father of two young boys ages 7 and 8, what should i do to correct their behaviour?
   what should i do when talking it over for the 20+ time has shown no results?
   you say its a fear/love thing, and i understand where you goin with that. so then tell me if it’s fear that reinforces the cutass? love for daddy that they will not do it again?
   where i live, when we lose our sons at home, they go out there an become criminals. i do not doubt this.
   i prefer they fear me at home and keep theirself straight outside of it, and hey, maybe i will have to spend money on therapy later, sure. better than i spend it on court clothes and lawyer fees.
   it easy to say ah, doh beat them. it aint so easy to say what else to do when you seeing your children going that first step down a slippery slope.
   there is abuse, and then there is a straight cut ass.
   as a kid i knew the difference, and as a father, i want to believe i remember them guava wood stinging my tail and the effects it had.

4. Dennis, let me talk with you as a parent, and secondly as an educator.You start to instill discipline from earliest days. Children need to learn the meaning of “No!” spoken firmly, harshly even. But they also need to learn a father’s love, which takes more time. Children fear the loss of their parent’s love, and this can be a force in discipline.
   When my two year old godson comes to my house, he wants to touch everything.(It would take me days to childproof my home for his visit.Instead, I devote the time he is with me, to paying undivided attention to him. If he picks up something I do not want him to play with, I take it away, and gie him something else in exchaneg. He recently learnt hitting at the baby sitter’s. His mother does not yet agree that he needs a new sitter. When he hits someone in my presence, I say NO very firmly and remove him from playing with the others by holding him firmly on my lap, and talking to him. He will associate being removed from the group with his hitting, if it happens every time.
   When children disobey, they are testing the allowable boundaries of behaviour. There must be cosequences. Depriving them of something they want, makes the best sense. Take away their favorite toys even if it means locking them in your car or bedroom while you are away from home.
   If they have a small allowance, fines for miscoduct could remove the entire allowance. Have a timeout chair in which they must sit when they have misbehaved.Do not let them sit there otherwise. It could be a multi-use chair, that is turned to face the wall for discipline purposes. Agree how long they would stay there. An hour would be max. You have to watch them, which means you have to be there. Something higher on the scale of broken rules, coud require an hour more than once, say over three days. The child must know why he is there, must know how long he will be there for, and must know what infringementss on the rule of sitting would add to the time. If you go to extremes first, you have no negotiation room. And negotiation is what we do with our spouses, our childrn or friends and our colleagues at work.

   Make sure you and your partner agree on the punishment, so that this is not something daddy is doing to me. Make sure they know you love them, but you could never love that behaviour. When they do well, even in little things, praise them, praise them, praise them. Children bask in the glow of parents’praise and would work to earn more. Its like coming first in test. This is the test of life skills.

   Good luck.Let me know by these same means, what you think.Remember,parents should talk to their children about things other than misconduct, and in tos other than iving orders.

5. If you don’t hear you will feal! If you make your bed rough, you have to lay in it. There is a line between dicipline and abuse. I would argue that just talking does not work. On a larger scale Bush has been just talking to Russia and they responded by invading Georgia. People will do what they want to do especially if you let them. Children are little people. I would rather beat my child out of love than have them beaten, kicked and killed in the street or prison. A ounce ov prevention is better than a pound of cure.

6. This is a very fascinating although delicate subject that can bring out the emotions .It requires more than a mere paragraph or sentences to do it justice. There is no right or wrong approach I believe, as all comments advanced are not without some merit. I was raised by my paternal grand mother from eight weeks to sixteen years, and was never ‘spared the rod,’ for those of you familiar with the Biblical quote.
   Looking back today, I would describe her as a very adoring, and wonderful guardian. I however was hesitant- though not always successful- to resort to similar measures against kids of my own,.
   I would like to think I turned out right, and many others that knew me might share that opinion. Nevertheless, I am always curious to know how other children turn out, when it came to the issue of corporal punishment and similar forms of tough actions by parents on children.
   The first deals with the question of the overall impact of such tough disciplinary measures inflicted particularly on young males that grew up in female dominated homes. Secondly, is my concern for psychological fall outs -if any- for children that benefits from -what on surface are more civilized middle class approaches such as time outs, deprivations of cherished items, and grounding for misdeeds depending on age.

7. Then Curtis, go ahead and beat the living shit out of your child. Later, when he beats his wife and kids, or chops her up at the side of the road(yesterday in Couva) you can say “”I taught him right”.
   Bush has no authority in Georgia, just as he had no authority in Iraq. Bullying does not work. All of the world, armed to the teeth, should follow your example and fire their nuclear weapons at each other. Nothing would be left of course. No winners, only tragedy.
   Informed educators and parents agree with me.

8. Linda Edwards’ wise and sound words on this topic is obviously being wasted on these bloggers, who perpetuate the “cut they arse” mentality.

9. Why does this have to be a black and white issue? “Go ahead and beat the living shit out of your child?” Somehow I don’t think that’s what the person was planning to do. And there is a difference between discipline and abuse – a lot of what was described in the article was abuse and quite honestly I have never heard of anything like that in my life. I work with children and while I would not necessarily advocate corporal punishment, there are occasions where it worked and was appropriate. One kid in particular always used to hit other kids because he taught it was “fun.” His parents and every one all spoke with him nicely to stop, even yelled at him to stop, he still did it. One day someone decided to hit him back…he stopped because he realized that it’s painful. Sometimes talking doesn’t work.
   A lot of the current generation are so afraid of making the mistakes that our parents made that we are also neglecting the good things that they taught us. They taught us to respect our elders…the parents today can’t even get their kids to listen to them even if it will save their life.
   Putting it bluntly, if an occasional slap on the buttocks would save my child, then that’s what I will do. If I’ve spoken to them and reasoned with them (and done all the other things that modern-day parenting insist is best) and they still not learning then I will resort to the more old-fashioned ways of doing things, because quite frankly I prefer that they learn from me, than from the police (who for the record does do much than slap them once or twice on their wrist) or from their fellow companions in prison.

10. Eradicate poverty or make attempts to remove major class disparities and not only would corporal punishment end , but you might save more young lives like the recent raped and murder 9 year old Hope.
    At the same time no conclusive evidence are out there to indicate that children who generally are not subjected to some form of physical punishment turn out any better or are less violent to there future spouses. Notice I did not limit my concerns for any perceived negative effects to any particular gender as some seem to be fixated on.
    Both the frat boy Crawford kid ,and the smiling incompetent so called Russian sidekick expert Condi Rice could have used a few belts on their respective would have turned much better if they respective parents had used the belt on rumps while they were growing up. For one their eyes would be on the ball in Russia /Georgia so as to prevent the bullying that is presently occurring as stated.
    In addition, they would be more incline to pursue more socially compassionate policies, or to engage in senseless racist, neo – imperialistic wars that obviously affect millions in Iraq, Afghan. It is such bullying attitude by political leaders that contributes more to a violent culture and produces examples such as Columbine, and Virginia Tec massacres.

11. If an eight year old in a school in the United States of America becomes unruly and the cops are called in, and that kid continues to be unruly, that cop can use force, which includes hitting, in order to subdue or arrest the behaviour of that child. This example has become fairly routine today in the US. Cops can punch and hit kids who refused refuse to submit to instructions or arrests. But a cop, in her official capacity as a mother, is before the court for hancuffing her teenage son who was behaving violently disorderly in the home.

    Like someone said earlier, this is not a black or white issue. Many of us in my age group grew up at a time when corporal punishment was routine in the home as well as in the schools. In fact, in some instances adult strangers had the option to whip our butts if they espied us behaving badly in public, and then send us home to report to our parents or guardian. We seldom did because more than likely that would have precipitated another whipping.

    I think there is marked difference between spanking a child and beating child. And this is not an argument for or against either. However, the variable that affects the argument that mere spanking makes a child prone to violence as an adult, is the fact that there is an exponential increase in violent behaviour among this generation’s young, when compared to their peers who grew up when spanking was routine in schools and in the homes. My generation grew into more disciplined adults despite the fact that ours was an era of “spare the rod and spoil the child”

    Everyone, every parent has to make that excruciating choice of which disciplinary method to employ in the raising of their kids. For me personally, outside of brutality and cruelty, no state has the right to determine how a parent should raised their kids. The state will not accept responsibility for them when they offend against the laws, rules and mores of our civilized society. The state will not give up their hearts or other organs to sustain their lives, but we will. And the state will not restrict itself, interms of force or violence, when they have to deal with the wrong doings of your child.

    So while I can understand the caution that corporal punishment might not be a pancea for disciplining kids, and believe that argument, for the most part, is being advanced with great sincerity, it is still a matter of whether the chicken or the egg comes first. Like a woman’s right to choose, and an individual’s right to love whom they choose, I bel;ieve that it is a parent’s fundmantal right to make this kind of determination. We need to have balance in these arenas of decision making and choice that conflicts with traditional or evolving social norms.

12. Black and white issue?(As in extremes, not race) Who are we kidding? There is a link between the ferocity of beatings children get, and the onset of puberty. S&M includes physical punishment of a spouse. We turn them(children to be whipped )over on the buttocks, and whip their Gluteous Maximus. Slavemasters did the same thing. While working in another Caribbean island I saw physical puunishment that included zogging off the child’s long hair, by her mother, whose hair was short and curly, and a broken tooth based on a hammer thrown at the girl’s face. My friend, a medical doctor, was asked to intervene, and we got her on a plane to another country to join her father- whee things like that would send a parent to jail. Punishment included locking pubescent girls out of their own home(To be raped by anyone with the inclination) as well as the more usual food deprivations. I intervened once, in the affairs of a child whose neighbor called me at school, and asked that I check her body. Her back was lacerated all over, with an electrical cord. It turned out that her stepfather was doing the beating, and usually stripped her naked before the whipping- for talking to a boy at the gate of the house. Her bedroom door had had the lock removed. The police removed the child from the house that same day. S&M disguised as discipline.

    So, please, do not think whipping is a simple thing. It is the deliberate imposition of force on a defenseless child, by someone bigger than him/her, older, and supposedly wiser.
    Because all or much of this happens behind closed doors, and TnT would sometimes rather gossip instead of making changes, this can go one for many generations, until, like the NURSE at Sando, recently, she put her child’s hand in the fire, and was arrested. Anyone who says they work with children, and have not heard stories like these, must be saying ,”hush, hush” “do not talk of these things” so as not to get involved. These cases happen across the economic spectrum. That too, is well documented. Check with the local police. They know.

    I am educating. If I change one small perception, one fraction of a degree, I have not wasted time. Educating honours four generations of women in my family.

13. I certainly believe every Word that you say Verna. I am forty two years old and i have seen children who have been beaten,severly and there hands burnt for taking meat out of the pot just about seven months ago. I must admit i hit my child on two occasion, i sat and thought about it and made a promise that i would not hit her again, she is now sixteen years old and i have keep my words she happy and we talk about every thing since that day to now. dont hit you dont like to be hit.

14. I will continue to spank my child when he is out of line and he will continue to obey me. As I stated before, I who love my child would rather dicipline my child than have my child diciplined by the Police, courts, or eivl personalities on the streets. Just because someone spanks their child when their child is wrong after failing in communication doesn’t mean that they are abusive. That spanking may save that childs life. People who don’t spank their children when they need to be spanked have the kids that believe that they can do whatever they want without regard for others. We live in a society and if spankings are the only way to get it through to a child that they are apart of a greater plan then so be it. If they do not hear they will feel. Prove me wrong.

15. good day to all readers we are living in a different time and era times has change wether we want to belive it or not and as parents of these computerized children we have to change our way of thinking and behaving towards them violence only bred more violence can we not see that.wheni was a child i was scared to even say shit,dam.or ass for my mother to here.in todays generation thats a normal part of everyday conversation ,wether we like it or not .remember when u was a child and your parents would aiways be to busy to spend time with,because they have 5other kids beside you or they were to busy getting some hot gossip from tanty merle remember what you used to say WHEN I GROW UP AND HAVE CHILDREN I WOLD NEVER TREAT THEM LIKE THAT.Did we forget? OR did we became or PARENTS???

16. Sherryann I would hope that permission was first granted by big daddy before you stole a chance to use his computer to post your simplistic views, or else prepare for the consequential backlash later, as you might not be able to sit for a few days. Correct me if I am wrong, but you strike me as someone slightly past the age of fifteen without the added responsibility of kids of your own as yet. Just kidding and keeping it light, Trini style.
    Although the comparisons are like apples and bananas, I’ll still make a stab at creating an analogy between alcohol/drug use and spanking. There are many accounts and its well documented about how difficult it is for someone to go cold turkey and give up drinking or hard drug use on its own without any proper help. In like manner I believe it is just as difficult to abandon this cultural habit when one was subjected to some form of it for a considerable time at both the home and sometimes the school.
    Higher education, perhaps global exposure, and vastly improved status can form a dent, but once in a while just like that drug addicted , one can succumb and resort back to tested and tried habits learned at the hands or rather feet of dear and equally loving parents or caring and well intentioned teachers. It is naïve to think that just snapping our fingers, chanting a foolish mantra, or wishing our deep rooted habits away will develop into long term solutions. I could however be off base here and will defer to my more learned and frequently more objective commentators on this forum.

17. To test the theory of whether physical punishment is good for children, I challenge the state to allow all wives to whip their husbands for infringements of the decent laws of life. Not random whipping because you get me vex, but a scheduled, well planned series of licks’ for certain infringements.
    Women should be allowed to caucus and decide how many lashes breaches of each item listed would carry, and such whipping should be administered in a specific way, to be decided by the women.

    The following would be reasons for whipping;
    Saying you will put out the trash, but sitting in front of the TV watching trash, until the garbage truck is gone and the stinking mess is left bahind, again!
    Letting the tap run in the bathroom while you shave and brush your teeth, wasting precious resources.
    Failure to wash and stack the dishes after your working wife shopped, cooked and fed the family.
    Failure to bring in adequate funds to feed and clothe the family, whie finding money to lime, drink, play whe whe and give to other cunt-rent women.
    Having a steady outside woman whom you support at the expense of your children.
    Failure to fix leaks, change hig light bulbs and do oher “male” tasks in the household on a tiimely schedule.”Ah gettin to it wait nuh” is a whipping offence.
    Failure to make supportive and encouraging comments to women and children in your household.
    Small filures like leaving the toilet seat up, so that when I stumble to it in the dark at four AM because you don’t want the lights on, since you not ready to wake up, my spine is jolted by the cold, and by having to drop an extra inch before I could do my business.
    Dropping your clothes all over the floor, while insisting that the chidren pick up after themselves.
    Putting cigarette butts into the house plants.
    Smoking in bed.
    Deciding to go on a lime on Friday afternoon, payday, and not turn up until Sunday morning, with not a penny cut in half, and asking shamefacedly, “guyl, wha we go do?”

    Other infringements of the household demeanour like breaking wind loudly in front of the children, and laughing- in other words, the things you would hit your children for.
    Cussing in front of the children, while forbidding them to say Damn.

    After six monthe of whipping and record keeping, during which time it would be against the law for the man to hit back, or keep notes for future vengeance, we would call a convocation of husbands and wives to discuss our findings, let the men speak out, and have Oprah come down to TnT to cover this rich piece of research.

    This could provide valuable guidance for future directions.
    One valuable piece of research would be the women’s attitude to sex with the husbands whose arses they have just whipped, literally.
    What do you say, Neal, T-Man, Curtis,and others?

18. Good one Ms. L, I did not know you had it in you. Nice sense of humor I must say. I am in total agreement with this new light hearted approach, as it makes absolutely ‘no sense’ that any of us get our stress levels up with respect to a particular subject on any of these broads, in the misguided notion that anything we say can make a difference.
    I am all for this novel approach to eradication corporal punishment sanctioned by the state. Since most men with power will hardly support something that works against their own self interest, more women might have to be encouraged to get into politics to push this agenda. I’ll just ensure that the fanatical (Hilary Clinton type) ultra feminist that views all ‘sex as rape,’ be kept out of the political arena.
    The fact that you linked me with these two other characters speaks volumes of how you think of me, and I am deeply saddened. To think that I started to believe that somehow I was making a favorable impression on you all this time. I got to step up my game, if I cannot even convince people believe that I am a nice guy that care about women and the plight of the suffering.

19. My dear Neal, you were included because you are MALE. All the bloggers favoring hitting children are male. Did you not notice? It’s the power struggle thing disguised as discipline. That’s why you are included. Sorry I hurt your feelings. The hurt of a hit child lingers longer.(The alliteration is accidental, only noticed it in revising) To say that you did not know I had it in me makes me smile. An intelligent woman(I claim that for myself,) is a well cut, many faceted diamond. Remember that if you meet one in your age group, in real life. Thanks for the compliment.

20. One of the problems with blogging – that I am guilty of -is that often in our hast to get an idea out quickly ,we fail to do the necessary editing , and so upon later, calm , review the expressed thought is totally different from what was really intended initially.
    I am one who always tends to admonish others to pay careful attention to where the real power lies when trying to understand social problems. Acts of terrorism, ‘slavery,’ crimes, female genital mutilation, child brides, and for our discussion purposes, child abuse. Women often hold more power than they realize or are willing to admit, and therein lies the irony and little change ever occur.

    A free spirited single (Mid- West) Kansas mom studying for her Phd in Anthropology can perhaps nurture her bi-racial child in racist America with the love ,care, understanding , and attention he deserve despite the absence of his ‘scumbag,’ cunning Harvard Educated immigrant Kenyan father. Even if such a woman had endured years of strict discipline at the hands of Sister O’Riley the Principal of her staunch Catholic school, she’ll most likely restrain herself. The result is that today that young man can emerge to be a strong contender for the US Presidency. The borderline illiterate high school drop out single female parent with four kids before she is twenty five from four different men, will not ‘spare the rod,’ when it comes to her children , even if she is threatened by the state with the death penalty.
    Male power play is an important factor, but attention must be drawn to kids that are growing up in single homes, and are often the victims of abuse/ discipline at the hands of (often frustrated) females themselves. In short, class matters.
    If a mother fails to step in and encourage her son to develop different values and attitudes than the predominant male adults at home and the wider society, then she is just as culpable for the end result. If she likewise allows her daughter to settle on a lifestyle that she was forced to endure due to some baseless cultural norm, then she too must eventually look in the mirror when faced with the outcome.
    Spanking of children is just the tip of the iceberg for some of the dehumanizing behaviors that is encouraged and condoned in the hidden recesses of our beautiful country – hopefully in time someone would have the guts to stand up and air the dirty linens.
    There is work to be done if I am to find that diamond from “my age group,” as suggested by Ms. L. Good post as usual- and you are welcome.Regards.

21. From what I read, Neal, Obama’s father was not a scumbag. He went to England to work on his PhD and his wife did not follow. Go back forty-fifty years to the long, sometimes ten years- of separation, that familes in the Third World endured while father or spouse pursued his dreams. I had two women friends in TnT who raised their children alone, in TnT while their husbands worked abroad on PhD’s at a time when coming home on holiday was beyond the means of most. Kenyans would have known the same depriations, and expectations. An American woman, already strong enough to take on a bi-racial marriage, would not meekly follow to London. Thankfully, it gave young Brack a chance to grow up partly in Indonesia, and as a member of a tri-racial family. Glory be to God for what he has become.

    Even now, in TnT, police officers are sent to serve quite across the island, where the wife cannot go because the accommodations are still bachelor quarters in the station, and she has a family.Placed in that remote loction, the police officer finds a woman to “do” for him, beginning with meal preparation, she ends up in his bed. It is not because he is a scamp and she is a whore. It is that administrations still ignore basic human needs.

    The emerging state of TnT, now nearing its 46th birthday, needs to pay more attention to trying to assist in raising healthy families. When my late brother was stationed at West End, and his wife and sons were in Waller Field, it did not help family relations at all.I use him as an example to prove that I know what I am talking about.
    There were people stationed in Tobago, while their families were in Trinidad. This breaks up families just as much as Obma Senior did by going to England. Scholarship grantors to third world scholars, do not include a family allowance.

22. This removal of physical dicipline is another slight in my eyes against the book. The further we move away from his word and scripture the more our society errodes. Parents are supposed to teach the children and many times children have their own ideas. When a childs ideas are in direct contrast to the ideas of the parent, it is imperative that the parent make the child see eye to eye. Children don’t pay bills, supply food, clothing, or shelter. I am not that old and there are some things that I probably won’t make my children do like kneel with their hands up. However, I will reserve the right to lash my children when I and their mother deem it necessary based on the rules that we have set forth in our house because we are responsible for their well being. Now, if anyone don’t like it, give me your address and I’ll send them to you to deal with when they are facing a lashing from me.

23. The use of the word “lashing” has such primitive connotations. Re- read Linda’s suggestions of alternative punishment. They make a lot of sense.Lashings create fear, fear distorts rational thinking and blocks learning in children and adolescents.

24. I won’t attempt to argue with you Ms. L if you feel inclined to defend Obama senior for only seeing his son once in all the years of separation because he was so busy taking care of the four wives and children in his Kenyan harem. Perhaps you see much of a difference between Indonesia and East Africa in 1961 that she would later prefer to follow her new husband and settle in the former, and contribute to the development of the country. Hey, as one of our local Kaisonian said in song – in a different context – “if the Doc could play,” who is Obama not to follow suite.
    Its part of the legacy of male black educated elites that came abroad to study. They sow their wild oats and exploit a few white women while they struggled to get their degrees , even impregnate them , write flourishing thesis of how evil and exploitative whites are, then run back home to be political giants and saviors all clothed in ‘fake black skin,’- using their little black kids to perpetuate the charade to captive gullible citizen, but never failing under the dark to sneak where possible out of the unsuspecting eyes a female of your real desire -or in many cases race – under the covers.
    Something is good if it works. It’s ‘water under the bridge,’ and Obama was able to internalize it to write Dreams of my father -a best seller, become a good father and community leader, and now is on the verge of becoming President if the racially fragmented country allows.

25. Neal, I only wanted to clarify a fact about Obama senior. I will not get into an argument with you about the various scenarios played out in the Obama life. I am glad that life brought Barack to where he is.I am watching the Democratic National Convention as I write.

    Life takes you where it needs to take you, when it needs to take you there.
    Sen. Kennedy has just said that Barack Obama will change the old politics of race and gender. For the sake of the future of the world, I say “Yes he can. Yes we will.” These comments began on corporalpunishment. They must not descend into emotional brutality.

    On that note, I will make no further comments on this issue.

26. I strongly agree with Kim,i have a 12 yr old that will not listen to me,i am constantly reminding him of the right way to behave,all he wants to do is hang out with his friends and he will lie,steal and manipulate every sitution to get what he wantsits got to the point where even if he is telling the truth nobody believes him now.His father believes in giving him a flogging if he misbehaves,my son will not misbehave in his fathers company,yes he fears his father,he does not fear anything i say,any disapline i try to enforce falls on deaf ears to the point where if i refuse to let him go out to play because he hasnt done his chores ,he will scream at me and go any way.I agree that their is a difference between flogging your child for misbehaviour and abusing them constantly,back in the old days children had respect for their elders,in this day and age children have more rights which is idiotic,children should do as they are told,not misbehave,have respect for people otherwise they should be punished accordingly

27. Tracy mothers cannot raise sons by themselves, especially if they have failed to work out their own daddy, old boyfriends and ex husband demons.
    Find a male to be a part of his life , and it does not have to be the bum call his father for he definitely sounds like an idiot.

28. Sometimes u need to be strict with children, but that doesnt mean you should hit them. Being strict and hitting children are two different things. What hitting does is makes the child more stubborn. Many a times, we hit a child not coz of his fault but coz we are frustrated about something else in our life. That is very unfair. Would we have liked something similar to be done to us when we were a child? Even if we have gone through it in our childhood, it does not give us any reason to do the same to the little budding flowers. Keep calm, give them love and they will be just fine and listen to you even more.

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